freed

no need for surgery

I just ripped you out
of my heart
I do not even bleed

and a Chinese wall
is what I built
between you and I

I will not let you
back in ever
there is no future

and I am free



annotation + realization:
problem only is, walls work for matter
spirit and ether however dunno bother
but for non-matter, there are other methods...

you

this face of yours
that I love so very much
that makes my heart flare
each time I see it

the many faces
showing without disguise
your vulnerability and sensitivity
your courage and your strength

the face of this man
whom I love so deeply
this man that I do not know
this man that I have never met

you who have been my anchor
and my beacon for so very long
may ray of light to hold on to
in the most difficult of times

this face of yours
that uninvited had entered my life
that brought so much joy
and so much excitement

so much longing and so much want
so much hurt and so much pain
so much confusion and upset
because I never stopped loving

and then I finally make peace
come to the decision to end it all
I am calm and resolved
strong enough to put it behind

have released it already
am free - free of want
though I still care,
care that you are well

but this is when you return
causing the greatest wonderment
but explanation and resolution
at the same time

the deep wound that bothered
and scared me so much
eventually ceases to bleed
and I am whole again, more so than before

and as you know full well
my love for you starts to burn again
as bright as the sun and moon
after having each other eclipsed

but you do not want it
even if it is you who ignites
so I cover and smother the flame
that it does not cause me further harm

and I simply love
not because you love me
not because I want you to love me
I love just because I love

I still want nothing
and I am ready to let go
all I need to know:
who is this man that I loved?

and I know that you still love other
and above all, love your work most
that you will never find or make time
to meet, to talk, to conclude

let alone to begin
there is no space for me in your life
not that I am certain
that I would even want such

I don't want to be dragged
into patterns and thinking of old
I don't want to fight for someone's love
who is tied to other, pining for someone else

I do not want to suffer any longer
for something that can not be
simply because you don't want it to be
do not want to or can not give it room

if it is only I who resonates
who sees and feels possibilities
then it is not love after all
or not the right time nor the right life

which is why I ask you to take to the saw
to free me, to undo, to take away
everything, including the little ghost
so that I can finally forget

this face of yours
the many faces
your ghost
you

why

because you broke open the shell
that had encased my heart
because you made me feel
because you made me love

because you hurt me as deeply
as nobody else ever did before
because I accepted my passion
because you made me burn

because you brought back to life
what was dead, gone and dying
because you made me woman
because I accepted my womb

because you where there for me
when I needed it most
because you felt me
because I felt you

because I could not let go of you
even when reason spoke against
because you held on to me
because I held on to you

because you made me bleed for more than
a year without pause or explainable cause
because thinking of you made me respond
because reading from you made me respond

because when I finally muster the strength
and resolve to put this to end for good
because then is when you return
because then is when you fight

because when you finally tell me the why
this is when the wound eventually closes
because it makes sense
because I understand

because I still feel you so near after
all these trials, detours and times past
because you are like the sun that kisses the snow
because you are like the moon that lights the night

because when I travel even farther away
presuming the added space will finally break
because this is when I need you even more
because this is when we communicate most

because when life and circumstance are about
to swallow me it is you who is my beacon
because of the promise of what could be
because of the pure white light quality

because this is love of the transformative kind
against all reason, odds, cause and resolve
because from the stars it does come
because to the stars it does go

from the distance,
even greater distance
from the land of dreams
from space and time beyond

One Day

one day
I will
kiss
your neck
stroke
your shoulders
touch
your arms
find
your hands
feel
your back
your warmth
you
and then
I will
know

Noli Me Tangere

what makes you think
I am free for the taking?
what makes you think
you have the right to touch me?
do you even think?
in what kind of a situation this puts me,
would put me, if I let you?
my status, my honor, my self respect?
what about the woman in your life?
do you really think I would betray her?
she who has been so kind to me at all times?

you do not even know me,
you do not even care to...
you do not respect my choices
you do not respect my wishes
you do not respect my limits
you do not respect me

what makes you think this has
anything to do with love?
you want - to have, to possess, to use,
for your own satisfaction...
you do not have the slightest clue what love is
and you do not qualify for my kind of love...
especially not after this.

love is force, life is force, art is force, directed light is force 

- to create, to transcend...
I do like high altitude living and the power games that come with it 

I covet them, never shy away from those, they attract and thrill me;
however, covert, manipulative, hidden agendas and ulterior motives 

- zero tolerance for such!

this is not power, this is not strength - this is just lack of center... 

centered...but not free

light

the nuances

the reflections
light bouncing off

rays dispersing

washed in light

drenched in light

drowning in light

blinded by light
sunlight
moonlight
torch light
dim light
bright light
twilight

light 

together

yes.
tomorrow.
and the next day, tomorrow will be today.
dreams...stars...the moon...the sun.
silence, space and freedom
until the tomorrow is the today
the ocean being dismantled
the sky providing a bridge
the end of the silence
the end of the distance
it is essential to know
but, the freedom does here not end
nor does the space, nor does the time
because they all are essential to feel...
to breathe; however, maybe sometimes
together.
yes.